Out Loud And Proud

Suggested images for the Maltese Eyoorow coins

Category 1: Emblem of National Sport:
il-Fenech (endangered species, along with honest politicians). Feared by the Maltese who have watched "Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail".


Category 2 : Emblem of National Flower :
Il-Pastarda (do not confuse with il-Bastarda which refers to lawyers
i.e. 65% of the Maltese population.) Il-Pastarda is to the Maltese what
the potato is to the Irish...a symbol of national courage and fortitude in the face of adversity. During the Great Siege when the hardy Knights ran out of ammo, the Maltese peasants came to the rescue and pelted the Turks with this humble produce. TheTurks mistook the flying veggies for the heads of Maltese babies and ran in terror.


Category 3 : Emblem of National Bird : The Maltese Falcon:


Category 4 : Emblem of Maltese Character: The Maltese Cross:

<--- Maria Borg Cardona Camilleri of Mjarr** singing:
"The hills are alive with the sound of corruption,
with the sound of MPs pocketing thousands of Liri.
Though I've had no wage increase since I left college,
I go to the hills when I am tax weary.
As if the Eco tax and the fuel surcharge just werent enough,
they add inheritance tax and petrol's increased by three
but I dont mind because we are such happy people
cos we got great weather and a huge extended family.."
(**names have been changed for security purposes)


I recently found the following comment on another Malta-related blog: "....researchers have found that when it comes to happiness, Malta is ranked first followed by Denmark, Switzerland and Colombia!"
Ok this has to be the funniest piece of information I've come across since...since the Gozitans reported sightings of the Great Yeti aka Bigfoot (it transpired that it was only Billy Connelly). I mean PU-LEEZ, who conducted this research? A former resident of the Betty Ford Drug Rehabilitation Centre? No wait, I've just located the source ...it was the handiwork of one Dutch Professor Ruut Veenhoven. Seems my guess wasnt far off.
"The new index uses data from 100,000 people in 90 countries who were asked, on a scale of 1-10, how happy they were."
Oh. Wow. Probably what isnt mentioned is that of the 100,000 interviewed, only 2000 were Maltese, half of whom happened to be Maltese Members of the European Parliament living in Bruxelles (and wouldnt YOU be a happy camper if you could charge a luxury cruise trip from Mexico to "MEP travelling expenses" as one globetrotting Maltese MEP is suspected of doing recently). As for the other half, they were probably the habitual drinkers down at the local Nationalist Party Kazzin (Club) and were just starting up a hearty rendition of the popular pub song "Ten Green Bottles Hanging on a Wall..."
Prof. Rehabilitated Ruut Veen Haavseenbettadays: "...on a scale of 1-10 how happy are you sir?"
NPK supporter: "....ten..ahdar..Budweezar..fliexken..fuq il fuq-ing hajt......"
Prof. RVH: "...thankyou sir.And if I may say so, thats a very jolly national anthem you've got.."

"Malta is very small so the family networks are very tight" .. "Wherever you are, you are never alone. The weather is beautiful, there's excellent education and a very good welfare state. There isn't a chasm between the poor so you never see beggars" [The Sunday Times, January 8th]

Malta small? I s'pose on a rock where everyone lives within spitting distance of each other, you could say its small. Judging by the amount of spitting that goes on, the Maltese like to communicate with their neighbours. "Wherever you are, you're never alone"...well of course, there's bound to be a traffic warden nearby. "..the family networks are very tight"...so you know who NOT to go to for a loan..."There isnt a chasm between the poor so you never see beggars"...I dont understand that statement; does it mean the poor arent divided among themselves? (Well of course not! They're Brothers in Bankruptcy! They're Sisters of the Strapped-For-Cash!). True, you never see beggars in Malta- maybe thats because they all know someone who works in the Dole Department.

In my estimation, the current overall national mood (barring members of government) is one of anxiety and depression. Darn tarnation, life sucks since the petrol hikes cos now you have to think twice before indulging in that national pastime: the Sunday afternoon SABS (see & be seen) cruise along Sliema's Sunset Strip! Before, when you said you were running on six cylinders, it was understood to mean you were a high-flying party animal - now it means the number of gas cylinders you have to use at home to ward off hypothermia cos you cant afford electric heating anymore! However, inspite of all that, we Maltese are generally a happy bunch. Probably the cumulative effect of the government spiking the drinking water with endorphins (i.e. the brain chemical that induces a sense of euphoria even if you happen to be on a luxury cruise up ShitsCreek).

Mr. Sodding Saddam was quite nifty at coining catchy phrases, his most famous being "Mother of All Battles". But he's had his 15 minutes of fame (more like 15 years of Infamy) and this blog has nothing to do with him. This blog is inspired by a bit of info I spotted in the scroll bar on the BBC World news channel this morning (which I always watch while having my system-kickstart cuppa coffee and ciggie which alerts my body to the fact that its 7 hours to detox while I was doing the horizontal zizz is up and now its back to toxic business as usual. My health regime is a nutritionist's nightmare but dang, I dont harf keep my brain well fed! I can just hear 'em squeaky clean nutritionists lecturing that nicotine prevents oxygen from reaching the brain which blah blah blah...HEY! smoking doesnt affect my brain cos it doesnt run on oxygen- its drip-fed on Nitrous Oxide aka Laughing Gas which explains why I appear to find so much about life funny).
Anyhow, the news item went something like this: "The US Government claims that bugging American citizens without court approval is legal and necessary". Well blow me away...all this time I was under the impression that the constitution of a democracy stipulates the inalienable civic right to privacy, freedom of speech etc etc. Aha! but the US Guvmint has declared war on terrorism so American society's normal peacetime civic rights have to be scrapped and rewritten (not a monumental task - it merely requires inserting a NOT in front of every civic rights statement).
I wonder whats on every CIA Bugging Operative's list of Suspected Terrorist-ish Language. Words like bomb, Bush, attack, Bush, kill, Bush, Allahu Akbar, Bush, hijack...etc? (Of course we all know terrorists arent so dumb as to use those words - besides maybe Allahu Akbar and SOB Bush- in their communiques but the CIA cant afford to rule anything out-well wouldnt you be overly sensitive if you were the world's laughing stock because you had dismissed/ignored/overlooked blindingly overt tip-offs to some terrorist plot being hatched?). But can you just imagine how the CIA "Terrorist-ish Language Detect-o-meter" would go beserk if it was monitoring communications in Malta! Agent Triple X Stacy (who doesnt speak Maltese) is tapping Maltacom's lines and hears the following conversation:
".....Madonna! Kemm hi bomba dik il-mara! Vera Bomba! Nahseb they're size 38DD......blah blah blah... ghat hekk ?(pronounced att-ekk) .....insomma, immoru Pikapizza later....mhux ghax ghandi l'guh ....jien kilt hobs b'zejt....." ----"OHMYGOD! INFORM COMMANDER BUSH! Sir, this is Agent Triple X Stacy, I have intercepted a suspicious dialogue...yes sir, already 3 strikes on my Detect-o-meter...bomb...attack...killed.... and I think their new code word for Mr. President is HOPSBIZZET"
(transliteration of dialogue: Madonna! how amazing/fantastic that woman is...truly amazing/fantastic! I reckon they're size 38DD...blah blah blah...I said that?!..anyhow lets go to Pikapizza later ...I'm not hungry ...I ate a bread with olive oil snack)
=========================
Note from Editor: the above dialogue is completely fictitious and should not under any circumstances be taken as scientific proof that Maltese males only talk about women with big tits and food. They do talk about other things....like football...and shagging women with big tits (not necessarily in that order).
Another note from Editor: Fafblogger has a posted a great Q & A dialogue about His Omnipotent Bushness on this matter

Fellow Bloggers here's my first brilliant Pome of The Week-its copyrighted so dont copy or I'll hunt you down and...and...demand you hand over all your chocolate...

LIVING OUT LOUD

isn’t it what we sometimes all get driven to
that edge where our back’s against the wall
we can’t see any way of returning
so we run forward in spite of it all
we sublimely run for our lives
and loudly embrace the fall

Its all about running for your life
And they’ll ask when you stood there tall and proud
Did you jump or were you pushed
neither you’ll say to the nervous crowd
you sang like a bird in flight you sang because
finally
you were living out loud
-------------------------------
CSL

Here's a ponder-inducing anecdote I just gotta use to introduce my Thought For The Day (hmmm its Monday and I actually am capable of coming up with a thought! Geez I'm on a roll this week!) Here goes:
>>In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who
had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.
She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave she approached him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Muslims and the Jews. I pray for all
the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in
safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a f*ckin' brick wall.">>

LOL......which leads me to ponder (I do ponder a lot and when I do, others may derisively say "oh there she goes again with her eyes-glazed-over-having-a-brain-fart-moment" but they're just jealous cos they dont have a Black Belt in Pon Da Wing like I do)....anyhow, I am pondering whether it isnt the same for everyone....Jews wailing at the Wall (not Pink Floyd's) Christians making penance before a plaster cast (which looks like its been used for target practice at a Knife-Throwers Convention), Muslims reverently uttering the 99 million Names of God (was that because His parents couldnt mutually agree on a name to pick?)....are all their spiritual sms's being delivered or are they getting stockpiled on some great celestial server cos the Redeemer, I mean the Receiver isnt in a position to respond? Lets look at how people rationalise prayer.
If you dial up on the Divine Hotline and your prayer is answered, wow its evidence that it works and there is someone listening on the line. If your prayer isnt answered, well maybe it's because it wasnt such a smart thing to ask for in the first place, but you being a dumb mortal wouldnt know that. Maybe you didnt pray hard enough...no wait! Its all a test of your patience! How long can you wait it out and STILL believe someone will respond to your plea. A bit like dialing in to the answering machine of the Malta Water Services Corporation...press 1 for billing enquiries....please hold...press 3 if you are incontinent and you will be redirected to a line with less tinkle-tinkle background music....please hold...press 5 to know your status in the call queue.....11,344,000???
Here's my take on prayer-now I do believe in a creative force larger than myself (that would make it size 16 and up) that created me in a moment of rashness, but IT isnt OUT THERE...IT is INSIDE US and we dont need a Church or Temple or Mosque to act as a Grand Central Switchboard to process our prayers. Those institutions are simply Glorified Employment Agencies...Public Monitoring Headquarters....Guilt Trip Theme Parks. We can answer our own prayers through the ...wait for it....The Power of Positive Thinking...! (Yeah someone else published the book but the bitch must have raided my loo and swiped my huge stash of scribbled-on bog-rolls.....yes i do have some of my most Enlightened Moments of Pondering while in the loo...case of out with the poo, in with the new?...mind and body definitely being in synch there). Now isnt that just so lavatorially facetious! Call it Being British. Which I am...half British. And half Irish. And half Maltese. And thats not even taking into account any of my sub-personalities. Together we do have a slight language barrier problem but we very resourcefully resort to communicating via sign language...I actually know thousands of index finger positions. Eat your heart out Karma Sutra!

here's the thing...I think knowing too much seriously cramps your ability to hold a decent argument. Guess its the egalitarian in me, its that bloody maxim I read when I was Junior Me in some fortune cookie about there always being two sides to a story, Consequently whenever I'm faced with a debate (even when its only in my head) I look like someone on sped-up footage watching a tennis match. "Well yes thats a valid point, but then what about..."...."ok thats plausible, however based on the principle that every action provokes a reaction...."ARRRGHHH. Narrow-minded bigots are riding on the big easy. Like heat-seeking missiles they operate on a single agenda: locate and respond only to hot info that supports and strengthens their half-baked opinions. If it doesnt meet those specifications, its irrelevant. Its tempting to define that mindset as single-minded vision but in my book that's a laudable attribute and there's nothing laudable about Dubbya Bush or His Tonyness. They're the headline grabbers but they're not alone on the international political stage of idiocracy. What is it with politicians - they start out as bright young shiny promising things (Bush excepted) and then somewhere on the way to the bank they morf into the very things they had set out to eradicate. Perhaps they just turn into themselves. And they're the last ones to see it because they spend too much time looking in mirrors. Now there's a rich irony because as every artist knows, one of the best ways to identify imbalances or perspective errors in a drawing is to look at it in a mirror! Obviously it doesnt work with politicians.
Actually come to think of it, I've just pinpointed an argument I can engage in with single-minded hearty vigour and not hesitate for a moment to consider alternative viewpoints. Political leaders do NOT represent the will of the people, except the people who like them have learned to lie steal and cheat their way to the top of their profession.

All the merry spiders in my head are breaking open the bubbly after signing up to weave their merry mischief on the world wide web via Bloggers Inc. Being such an erudite philosopher, it would be selfish of me not to make the world a richer place by sharing my erudite philosophical perspective on matters of great metaphysical consequence...such as if God has dumped the human race, couldnt She at least have left a forwarding address? Lesser mundane issues also merit my valued attention, such as the quality standards of Maltese TV programmes which have collectively proven to be a great cure for insomniacs. Surely this is deserving of an award from the World Health Organisation since sleep deprivation has serious detrimental effects on the human condition such as disorientation, loss of concentration, failure to distinguish between reality and fantasy, delusions of grandeur, incoherence. Clearly members of the Maltese Government dont get much sleep.
I must retire now for a short break to refill my IV drip with some more of my home-brewed 100% proof brain fodder....soon to be marketed as DGRD (Dont Give a Rat's Derriere)