Out Loud And Proud

In Germany, where the first case of a cat dying from Bird Flu has been reported, locals are concerned. “We’re scared for our cats”, said one scared for her cat woman on EuroNews. “How can we detect the symptoms in our cats?” Idiot. Isn’t it obvious? High fever, sore throat, sneezing, runny nose, flying about in disoriented circles…But what I am really curious about is how do these bloody birds do cross-country flights when they’ve got flu? For gawds sake, I could hardly get from bed to ensuite bathroom when I was down with flu recently. I nearly died but I did’t grab EU headlines. And one stupid cat does. And Stupid Cat died cos it probably ate a dead duck and couldn’t be fagged to stir-fry it first. Asked about the implications of this new development, a French git authority on the subject observed:“noo soms blah blah sons sett notre blah blah je ne sez kwot pas duh mez je pence blah blah ki keska malad est maladorious” (English voiceover: “it’s a real problem; we may have to live with it for years.”). These people actually get paid to make these observations?? Its like, oh we ordinary plebs are such dim idiots we really needed you to enlighten us. We haven’t been taking it seriously cos we reckoned Bush would deal with it swiftly, effectively, diplomatically-he and Don Cheney would occupy Europe and shoot everything that moved.

Its like the recent poll on BBC News which revealed that 60% of people surveyed in 35 countries felt that invading Iraq was a mistake….What?? Surely not.Must all be spineless Liberal pussies who don’t understand that the world needs champions like Bush to invade and subdue turbulent Third World countries full of ignorant non-Americans; hunt and kill dictators who dare to run Top-Secret Factories engaged in the mass-production of Aspirin; bring the Good News of democracy and civic freedom to raghead idiot natives who eat with their fingers …But I’m mostly interested in the other 40% who still believe the Iraqi invasion is a Damn Good Idea. Real freedom-fighting patriots, like the Iraqi-based U.S. troops whom I saw last night on EuroNews applauding Bush while he delivered his “Visiting My Loyal Jugheads” speech ,when he said “..the uther message wayr sendin’ is tha’ we Mericunts dawn’t jes’ cut ‘n run…”. These poor troopers aren’t only bloody big jugheads, they don’t have a drop of juice in their jugs! Now Iraq is inexorably disintegrating into another Lebanon-style civil war. Oh dear, means we Mericunts might have to postpone withdrawal; keep the jugheads Over There and not bring ‘em Back Here to the street-gang-petty-criminal-infested Projects where they were first recruited.

Geezus…Europe’s all in a flux about a potentially uncontrollable Bird flu pandemic while for years there’s been one great big Turkey in the White House whose gung-ho politics are more likely to bring about mass mayhem than any migrating flock of sneezing birds ever could!

My "Give Us This Day our Daily Gin" quote: Death is hereditary.