Friday, February 03, 2006
The L Word..Lunatics..Lesbians..MDTT Learners?
ADT's recently introduced Driving Theory Test must have been custom made for Malta. The multiple-answer test is peppered with classic samples of standard Maltese driving behaviour (I was going to say etiquette but that would be stretchin' it). Poor wee teen sods who've grown up in a world where obviously "Who Dares Wins" is the only road rule drivers respect, must have a helluva time trying to understand this totally alien road code. It shows in recent ADT pass/fail stats - previously driving tests had an almost full class of graduates. Since the introduction of this new EU endorsed Theory Test, it stands at about 35%. The ADT's adopted a real Rambo Rules attitude, no doubt a clever way of generating more income by repeatedly slapping the "L" Word on Driving Licence Applicants' backs and forcing them to retake the 20 quids worth test again...and again..Here are some excerpts of the Theory Test (slightly embellished by u-no-hoo):
Q. As a driver what do you understand about the term Blind Spot?
A. an area not covered by your headlights / an area thats not your G-spot
Q.Which of the following may cause distraction while driving:
A. slapping your spouse / Maltese folk music on the radio /party political broadcasts on the radio
Q. You should not use a mobile phone while driving:
A. because reception is poor while the engine is on / you don’t have a hand free to slap your spouse / it drains your car battery / you cant think speak and drive at the same time
Q. While driving you should ONLY use a mobile phone when:
A. you have credit on it / you receive a call / you pass friends and can show off your new mobile / your car is stationary
Q. A pelican crossing that crosses the road in a STRAIGHT line and has a central traffic island MUST be treated as:
A. a pelican crossing that crosses the road in a straight line / one complete crossing during daylight hours only / an opportunity to scare pedestrians
Q. You are approaching a zebra crossing. Pedestrians are waiting to cross. You should:
A. give way to the elderly and infirm only / flash your headlights to indicate they can cross at their peril
Q. You should never wave at or urge people across a pedestrian crossing because:
A. it will give them a false sense of security / pedestrians shouldn’t be allowed to cross roads because they only slow down traffic
Q. When are you permitted to exceed the maximum speed limit?
A. When you are late for an appointment / when there are no SLOW DOWN signs on the road
Q. Why should you use your horn?
A. To greet other road users / to show your annoyance at other road users / to alert other drivers to your presence...
The funniest thing is that probably only newbie drivers know that this draconian EU endorsed road code exists, so for some time we're going to have THREE types of drivers out there : the newbie law-abiders, the newbie short-term memory traditionalists, and the older generation drivers who think the newbie law-abiders are right royal wooosies. The pre-EU Era drivers only get acquainted with the new road code when they get slapped with a driving violation ticket for a violation they've never heard of. "Stay in my lane while traversing a roundabout when some bloody great rattling toxic tincan of a bus is in front? Observe a 40 kph speed limit on an empty 3-lane highway when I'm already 50 minutes late for dinner reservation with the wife? What? I didnt M-I-M (mirror, indicate, manouever) before swerving across 2 lanes to take a side road?? F**kemm Gh**dek .." Actually, until recently I thought cars imported to Malta came without indicators (presuming it was part of some Customs Tax break), but now I see quite a few drivers using their indicators (not always corresponding to the direction they are actually going in, but at least they're familiarising themselves with the technique..practice makes perfect..RIGHT down..LEFT..up..). No sir we're not talking about which leg to lift to pee the farthest.
Q. As a driver what do you understand about the term Blind Spot?
A. an area not covered by your headlights / an area thats not your G-spot
Q.Which of the following may cause distraction while driving:
A. slapping your spouse / Maltese folk music on the radio /party political broadcasts on the radio
Q. You should not use a mobile phone while driving:
A. because reception is poor while the engine is on / you don’t have a hand free to slap your spouse / it drains your car battery / you cant think speak and drive at the same time
Q. While driving you should ONLY use a mobile phone when:
A. you have credit on it / you receive a call / you pass friends and can show off your new mobile / your car is stationary
Q. A pelican crossing that crosses the road in a STRAIGHT line and has a central traffic island MUST be treated as:
A. a pelican crossing that crosses the road in a straight line / one complete crossing during daylight hours only / an opportunity to scare pedestrians
Q. You are approaching a zebra crossing. Pedestrians are waiting to cross. You should:
A. give way to the elderly and infirm only / flash your headlights to indicate they can cross at their peril
Q. You should never wave at or urge people across a pedestrian crossing because:
A. it will give them a false sense of security / pedestrians shouldn’t be allowed to cross roads because they only slow down traffic
Q. When are you permitted to exceed the maximum speed limit?
A. When you are late for an appointment / when there are no SLOW DOWN signs on the road
Q. Why should you use your horn?
A. To greet other road users / to show your annoyance at other road users / to alert other drivers to your presence...
The funniest thing is that probably only newbie drivers know that this draconian EU endorsed road code exists, so for some time we're going to have THREE types of drivers out there : the newbie law-abiders, the newbie short-term memory traditionalists, and the older generation drivers who think the newbie law-abiders are right royal wooosies. The pre-EU Era drivers only get acquainted with the new road code when they get slapped with a driving violation ticket for a violation they've never heard of. "Stay in my lane while traversing a roundabout when some bloody great rattling toxic tincan of a bus is in front? Observe a 40 kph speed limit on an empty 3-lane highway when I'm already 50 minutes late for dinner reservation with the wife? What? I didnt M-I-M (mirror, indicate, manouever) before swerving across 2 lanes to take a side road?? F**kemm Gh**dek .." Actually, until recently I thought cars imported to Malta came without indicators (presuming it was part of some Customs Tax break), but now I see quite a few drivers using their indicators (not always corresponding to the direction they are actually going in, but at least they're familiarising themselves with the technique..practice makes perfect..RIGHT down..LEFT..up..). No sir we're not talking about which leg to lift to pee the farthest.
# posted by C.S.Lawrence : 1:47 AM
Comments:
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The L Word..Lunatics..Lesbians..MDTT Learners?
ADT's recently introduced Driving Theory Test must have been custom made for Malta. The multiple-answer test is peppered with classic samples of standard Maltese driving behaviour (I was going to say etiquette but that would be stretchin' it). Poor wee teen sods who've grown up in a world where obviously "Who Dares Wins" is the only road rule drivers respect, must have a helluva time trying to understand this totally alien road code. It shows in recent ADT pass/fail stats - previously driving tests had an almost full class of graduates. Since the introduction of this new EU endorsed Theory Test, it stands at about 35%. The ADT's adopted a real Rambo Rules attitude, no doubt a clever way of generating more income by repeatedly slapping the "L" Word on Driving Licence Applicants' backs and forcing them to retake the 20 quids worth test again...and again..Here are some excerpts of the Theory Test (slightly embellished by u-no-hoo):
Precisely my thoughts: What point is there in us drivers-to-be being fully aware of all these rules if the remaining 95% of the drivers a) don't even know they exist b) wouldn't even be bothered to follow them?
Money, money, money...
Money, money, money...
exactamente! thing is, except for the graduates of this year's Police Academy, probably the traffic police dont yet know they exist either..or traffic wardens (well what the hell DO wardens know?)so we can probably assume Mayhem on The Motorways will maintain its status quo for the forseeable future and newbie drivers will be Several Pounds Poorer for the privilege of passing a test whose only value is to teach them to distinguish how the Maltese drive and how OTHERS drive (Italians and Greeks excluded)
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Q. As a driver what do you understand about the term Blind Spot?
A. an area not covered by your headlights / an area thats not your G-spot
Q.Which of the following may cause distraction while driving:
A. slapping your spouse / Maltese folk music on the radio /party political broadcasts on the radio
Q. You should not use a mobile phone while driving:
A. because reception is poor while the engine is on / you don’t have a hand free to slap your spouse / it drains your car battery / you cant think speak and drive at the same time
Q. While driving you should ONLY use a mobile phone when:
A. you have credit on it / you receive a call / you pass friends and can show off your new mobile / your car is stationary
Q. A pelican crossing that crosses the road in a STRAIGHT line and has a central traffic island MUST be treated as:
A. a pelican crossing that crosses the road in a straight line / one complete crossing during daylight hours only / an opportunity to scare pedestrians
Q. You are approaching a zebra crossing. Pedestrians are waiting to cross. You should:
A. give way to the elderly and infirm only / flash your headlights to indicate they can cross at their peril
Q. You should never wave at or urge people across a pedestrian crossing because:
A. it will give them a false sense of security / pedestrians shouldn’t be allowed to cross roads because they only slow down traffic
Q. When are you permitted to exceed the maximum speed limit?
A. When you are late for an appointment / when there are no SLOW DOWN signs on the road
Q. Why should you use your horn?
A. To greet other road users / to show your annoyance at other road users / to alert other drivers to your presence...
The funniest thing is that probably only newbie drivers know that this draconian EU endorsed road code exists, so for some time we're going to have THREE types of drivers out there : the newbie law-abiders, the newbie short-term memory traditionalists, and the older generation drivers who think the newbie law-abiders are right royal wooosies. The pre-EU Era drivers only get acquainted with the new road code when they get slapped with a driving violation ticket for a violation they've never heard of. "Stay in my lane while traversing a roundabout when some bloody great rattling toxic tincan of a bus is in front? Observe a 40 kph speed limit on an empty 3-lane highway when I'm already 50 minutes late for dinner reservation with the wife? What? I didnt M-I-M (mirror, indicate, manouever) before swerving across 2 lanes to take a side road?? F**kemm Gh**dek .." Actually, until recently I thought cars imported to Malta came without indicators (presuming it was part of some Customs Tax break), but now I see quite a few drivers using their indicators (not always corresponding to the direction they are actually going in, but at least they're familiarising themselves with the technique..practice makes perfect..RIGHT down..LEFT..up..). No sir we're not talking about which leg to lift to pee the farthest.
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