Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Give a Sexually Deviant Maltese Blogger of Disrepute her due!
Damn. I’m not getting a single vote for my blogrants on the forthcoming il-Karnalanti tal Bla-Bajt-Blogeranti (that’s Maltese for: Awards for Exceptionally Gifted Sex Maniacs Who Happen to Write Blogs) as part of Carnival Season in Malta. I’m hurt. No I’m not. I lie. I’m devastated. But no need to be concerned, I don’t throw knives. I prefer hatchet jobs. Power-tooled hatchet jobs. Turbo-charged 16-cylinder poison-tipped hatchet jobs. Case of overkill? *Getting flushed* For Christ’s sake of course not, how the hell can you overkill anyway? You can’t kill someone twice, idiot! Although sometimes I wish you could, specially when it comes to born-again Christians. And psychopathically obnoxious kids who threaten to subpoena their parents when they’re spanked for locking kitty in the tumble-dryer. *pause…readjust my wig* You see, after spending years studying, tweaking, fine-tuning, and perfecting my sexually deviant ways, I do naturally expect some recognition. I’m not asking for a Golden Globe award, just a few kudos, together with a few pledges to lifelong sexual servitude, and throw in some triple digit donations for good measure. Sex sells but it costs too! Nothing OTT you see.
You may wonder why we have such an unusual contest in Malta. You know, for sex maniacs. Well its just cos we have so many. Why you ask? In a word, Deeply Conservative Catholic Country. I know, that’s more than one word, but being part-Maltese I am genetically conditioned to engage in verbal diahhorea. Give a Malteser a mike and its rabbit rabbit rabbit. Explains why Fenech is such a common Maltese surname. (it means “rabbit”). When the Knights were doing their population consensus (back in them good ol’ days when men were Knights and the rest were Maltesers), they hauled in all the peasants and asked them their names. Proud peasant says:“I am the eldest of 23 children and my father is second in line to the throne of Gozo and I have rabbit rabbit rabbit..” “Ok thank you Mr. Fenech, move along now. Next!”.
Anyhow I deviate. I tend to do that, being a sexual deviant ‘n all. But hey at least I’m not dirty. I clean up my own mess. Waste not want not. I lick up all my peas off the floor. And even my toast when I drop it and it just has to land butter side down. I’m cursed. But I draw a line when it comes to spaghetti meatballs cos when mine roll off the table and onto the floor they ALWAYS head straight out the front door. Pussies. Oh dear I deviate again…old habits die hard. So where was I…...jeez does that ever happen to you? You stop to think and forget to start again?
By the way for you mean-spirited rotton stinkers who wont give me my due recognition as a Great Maltese Blogger of Disrepute, I’ll have you know I did receive an award lately. This weekend in fact, at the Casino di Venezia Carnival party. For “MOST ORIGINAL”. I went as a Black Russian. Get it? Don’t say no if you want to live cos I’m automatically programmed to exterminate idiots:
By the way for you mean-spirited rotton stinkers who wont give me my due recognition as a Great Maltese Blogger of Disrepute, I’ll have you know I did receive an award lately. This weekend in fact, at the Casino di Venezia Carnival party. For “MOST ORIGINAL”. I went as a Black Russian. Get it? Don’t say no if you want to live cos I’m automatically programmed to exterminate idiots:
NEWSFLASH!NEWSFLASH!NEWSFLASH!NEWS FLASH!
Contrary to Child-rearing manuals, whingeing and whineing DOES work. Without any duress or death threats on my part, (that was Plan B), Mr. Jaak The Malteazie Accuzati min Lux Burger declared me the outright winner of the Wild Oscar award!
Check it out
Check it outon akkuzatnejn.
If I may say so myself sir, the quality of the post is appropriately raving bonkers and receives my total unadulterated deviant approval. Candid shots of me mooning are in the post.
My “Give Us This Day Our Daily Gin” quote: “Do American women wear ‘Panty Shields’ because they live in dangerous neighbourhoods?”
# posted by C.S.Lawrence : 7:59 PM
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Give a Sexually Deviant Maltese Blogger of Disrepute her due!
Your whingeing has not gone unseen.... award granted... check out here:
http://akkuzatnejn.blogspot.com/
http://akkuzatnejn.blogspot.com/
And the award goes to (cue drum rolls)......OUTLOUDANDPROUD!!! (cue clapping and view of standing ovation, whilst outloudandproud stumbles to the podium to receive her award...sniffs and gives her acceptance speech.)
aha! another Malti with a refined appreciation of deviant greatness. Your appreciation shall not go unrewarded-autographed pics of me mooning will be sent out shortly-just need you to supply me with your postal address and bank ATM pin number...ps. how did you know I was a sniffer??
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Damn. I’m not getting a single vote for my blogrants on the forthcoming il-Karnalanti tal Bla-Bajt-Blogeranti (that’s Maltese for: Awards for Exceptionally Gifted Sex Maniacs Who Happen to Write Blogs) as part of Carnival Season in Malta. I’m hurt. No I’m not. I lie. I’m devastated. But no need to be concerned, I don’t throw knives. I prefer hatchet jobs. Power-tooled hatchet jobs. Turbo-charged 16-cylinder poison-tipped hatchet jobs. Case of overkill? *Getting flushed* For Christ’s sake of course not, how the hell can you overkill anyway? You can’t kill someone twice, idiot! Although sometimes I wish you could, specially when it comes to born-again Christians. And psychopathically obnoxious kids who threaten to subpoena their parents when they’re spanked for locking kitty in the tumble-dryer. *pause…readjust my wig* You see, after spending years studying, tweaking, fine-tuning, and perfecting my sexually deviant ways, I do naturally expect some recognition. I’m not asking for a Golden Globe award, just a few kudos, together with a few pledges to lifelong sexual servitude, and throw in some triple digit donations for good measure. Sex sells but it costs too! Nothing OTT you see.
You may wonder why we have such an unusual contest in Malta. You know, for sex maniacs. Well its just cos we have so many. Why you ask? In a word, Deeply Conservative Catholic Country. I know, that’s more than one word, but being part-Maltese I am genetically conditioned to engage in verbal diahhorea. Give a Malteser a mike and its rabbit rabbit rabbit. Explains why Fenech is such a common Maltese surname. (it means “rabbit”). When the Knights were doing their population consensus (back in them good ol’ days when men were Knights and the rest were Maltesers), they hauled in all the peasants and asked them their names. Proud peasant says:“I am the eldest of 23 children and my father is second in line to the throne of Gozo and I have rabbit rabbit rabbit..” “Ok thank you Mr. Fenech, move along now. Next!”.
Anyhow I deviate. I tend to do that, being a sexual deviant ‘n all. But hey at least I’m not dirty. I clean up my own mess. Waste not want not. I lick up all my peas off the floor. And even my toast when I drop it and it just has to land butter side down. I’m cursed. But I draw a line when it comes to spaghetti meatballs cos when mine roll off the table and onto the floor they ALWAYS head straight out the front door. Pussies. Oh dear I deviate again…old habits die hard. So where was I…...jeez does that ever happen to you? You stop to think and forget to start again?
By the way for you mean-spirited rotton stinkers who wont give me my due recognition as a Great Maltese Blogger of Disrepute, I’ll have you know I did receive an award lately. This weekend in fact, at the Casino di Venezia Carnival party. For “MOST ORIGINAL”. I went as a Black Russian. Get it? Don’t say no if you want to live cos I’m automatically programmed to exterminate idiots:
By the way for you mean-spirited rotton stinkers who wont give me my due recognition as a Great Maltese Blogger of Disrepute, I’ll have you know I did receive an award lately. This weekend in fact, at the Casino di Venezia Carnival party. For “MOST ORIGINAL”. I went as a Black Russian. Get it? Don’t say no if you want to live cos I’m automatically programmed to exterminate idiots:
NEWSFLASH!NEWSFLASH!NEWSFLASH!NEWS FLASH!
Contrary to Child-rearing manuals, whingeing and whineing DOES work. Without any duress or death threats on my part, (that was Plan B), Mr. Jaak The Malteazie Accuzati min Lux Burger declared me the outright winner of the Wild Oscar award! Check it out
Check it outon akkuzatnejn.
If I may say so myself sir, the quality of the post is appropriately raving bonkers and receives my total unadulterated deviant approval. Candid shots of me mooning are in the post.
My “Give Us This Day Our Daily Gin” quote: “Do American women wear ‘Panty Shields’ because they live in dangerous neighbourhoods?”
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