Out Loud And Proud

"...I whistle a happy tune..."

2008-03-01T22:51:00.008+01:00

Its General Election time in Malta right now...more like Comedy Hour Special. Bring on the popcorn! Its an open house fantasia moviethon which comes with a PG rating to ensure that every infantile can enjoy the show. It comes with intermissions which are wasted on those twisted cynical Floater Voters who'll already have pissed in their pants laughing. (...damn it, my bubblegum pink knickers

The Book Burning Brigade is Still Alive and Well

2006-05-30T13:21:00.000+02:00

Paraphrasing one of Oscar Wilde’s many cynical observations on human nature, there’s only one thing worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about. Based on that premise, the Church should make the author of “The Da Vinci Code” honorary Chairman of the Board because he has done more to revive talk about the life of Christ among both believers and disbelievers than the Pope

Welcome to Idiotsville!

2006-03-24T15:12:00.000+01:00

A while ago (I've been festering in my cave lost track of time),the Prime Minister of Malta Mr. Gonzi (not of Muppets fame but a good lookalike) got really rattled at a recent "Meet the Rabble" gathering. The rabble were grumbling about the recent huge price hikes (fuel surcharge up to 67%-petrol and diesel and gas doubled or tripled-airport tax which is now the highest in Europe if not the

I'm as Fookin' Irish as They Get!

2006-03-22T22:14:00.000+01:00

You're 85% IrishCongratulations, you're a shining example of an Irish lass.There's hardly anyone more Irish than you!(results from an internet poll)Weyhey! Its official. I'm a Shining Example and I've got the Rudolph Reindeer nose to prove it! What can I say. I'm a polished drinker! I didnt score 100% cos I didnt know what gaelic football was (an Irish euphemism for taking part in group orgies?)

A Whole New Meaning to Being Bugged!

2006-03-20T16:50:00.001+01:00

Bolting straight out of the Hollywood stables: “Terminator 3.5 cm: The Bugged Version”. Soon to arrive at a comedy venue near you. The plot: Pentagon defence scientists attempt to create an army of cyber insects that can be remotely controlled to check out explosives and send transmissions. Ok, are you wondering when I’m going to call your bluff and holler “Ha! Ha! You Bin Bolloxed!”. Well, don’t

In Bush We Trust

2006-03-20T13:46:00.000+01:00

Further to my highly intellectual and insightful analysis (see earlier post) of Bush's motives for going after Iran (after successful rape and pillage campaign in Iraq), some highly engaging campaign posters:And here's is an illustration of the term: OXYMORON (no, not quite "bovine idiot", but close!)source for some more inspirational Bush campaign postersmy "Give Us This Day Our Daily Gin" quote

To laugh or Not To Laugh..that is an Incontinent's question.

2006-03-17T17:43:00.000+01:00

Knock knock.Who’s there?“I am the Grim Reaper.” – That’s an odd name. Are you Welsh? – “I am the Grim Reaper. I cometh to collecteth souls” – Hmmm, very archaic way of speaking. You must be from Wales. “ I have cometh to tell you your time is up..” – Wait! You’re not Ann Robinson by any chance? My you look very different on TV….Shorter. Yes, that’s it. Shorter. So, The Weakest Link is making

Sicily Malta Mafia Caravaggio Catholic Church…

2006-03-14T21:35:00.000+01:00

I’m currently reading “Cosa Nostra” which traces the history of the Mafia. Yeah, my kinda bedtime reading..why? Cos I'm a chronically violent psychopath ok? Idiot. Anyway, it convincingly demonstrates that the Mafia originated as 19th century Sicilian landowners seeking to monopolize via intimidation the island’s most valuable commodity of the time, that being the lemon orchards. Having found

Google search for “Maltese” produced interesting results

2006-03-11T22:32:00.000+01:00

I recently did a Google search for fellow Maltese Compatriots, Ex-patriates and Exiles (what can I say, I’m a terribly lonely f**ked up excommunicated Catholic part-Maltese sexual deviant) and after typing in “Maltese”, came up with thousands of links to…Cutting Edge Technology? Superlative Services? Competitive Clothing Industries? Oldest Temples in the World? Amazing Siege? World War II? George

Iran:Next target of U.S. Military Aggression

2006-03-09T13:58:00.000+01:00

Okayeee. Lets recap. The U.S. invades Iraq because of Saddam's conversion to the euro of Iraq's oil exports in 2000 which threatened the U.S. petrodollar...ooops, sorry, no I mean Saddam was a DESPOT! He had a nasty covert WMD operation which was deviously housed in milk factories. Blanket bombing followed and nothing was ever found. But Bush wasnt going to waste time crying over spilt milk. Ho

I swear, I'm not taking the piss....

2006-03-07T16:34:00.000+01:00

Well, not completely. I do have moments of seriousness (usually in my sleep). You see, I’m obsessively interested in lexicology. No, idiot, not sexicology (which I might add I am supremely qualified in).Lexicology: the study of words. You know, those monosyllabic expressions you spit out when the Maltese utility bills with added 67% fuel surcharge arrive? So, I’m curious: where the heck did the

Them Whoring Spies on Reality TV

2006-03-05T22:01:00.000+01:00

What the blazes do people think they’re doing when they write daily blow-by-blow blog dairies?? Weblogs may have started as electronic diaries for the Lonely Heart Clubbers who were friendless cos everything that had a pulse would run for cover whenever they opened their gobs. But by now, with the plethora of highly talented highly amusing highly informative blogs (mine immediately springs to

First Cases of Cats with Bird Flu in Malta

2006-03-03T20:42:00.000+01:00

NEWS UPDATE NEWS UPDATE NEWS UPDATE NEWS UPDATE Malta's Minister for the Environment has decided to use the same strategy that last year was successfully implemented to catch out environmentally unfriendly cars spewing exhaust emissions, by urging citizens to (spy on each other) send images via MMS to a toll-free number to report sightings of cats suspected of suffering from Bird Flu. The

Hollywood Blockbuster:“Public Enemy No.1”starring 30 million Birds and Don Cheney

2006-03-02T10:44:00.000+01:00

In Germany, where the first case of a cat dying from Bird Flu has been reported, locals are concerned. “We’re scared for our cats”, said one scared for her cat woman on EuroNews. “How can we detect the symptoms in our cats?” Idiot. Isn’t it obvious? High fever, sore throat, sneezing, runny nose, flying about in disoriented circles…But what I am really curious about is how do these bloody birds do

Give a Sexually Deviant Maltese Blogger of Disrepute her due!

2006-02-28T19:59:00.000+01:00

Damn. I’m not getting a single vote for my blogrants on the forthcoming il-Karnalanti tal Bla-Bajt-Blogeranti (that’s Maltese for: Awards for Exceptionally Gifted Sex Maniacs Who Happen to Write Blogs) as part of Carnival Season in Malta. I’m hurt. No I’m not. I lie. I’m devastated. But no need to be concerned, I don’t throw knives. I prefer hatchet jobs. Power-tooled hatchet jobs. Turbo-charged

PULEEZ I dont need sexual performance enhancing pills or penis enlargement for the simple reason...

2006-02-26T14:37:00.000+01:00

Why are Viagra spammers targeting me with this unending daily spew of spam? What did I do to deserve this unnecessary barrage of attention? Maybe I should have been a bit more specific when I prayed for recognition. I meant as a phenomenally talented artist, not a wanker! Is it the handiwork of a shithead vengeful ex-lover who's submitted my email address to every frigging pharmaceutical company

HOT X RATED MUST-WATCH MOVIE!

2006-02-22T12:56:00.000+01:00

...friend brings over DVD, says gotta watch! amazing stuff! unbelievable! Oooh has it got super special effects? No. Hmmm. Oh its an edge-of-yer-pants suspense thriller? No. Hmmm. Shame oh well as long as its not anything from the Disney stables. So me and the Home Alone crew get out the popcorn and watch. Fast forward ten minutes. Here's us watching.. Damn, no wonder Farenheit 9/11 is X rated..

Comic bastards make me weak at the knees.

2006-02-18T12:32:00.000+01:00

Being the humble sort, I do occasionally, very occasionally, admit to being a complete idiot (mostly to myself of course). One of these rare occasions occurred recently; the perpetrator of my winning moment of idiocy posted a link from her blog to mismatch.com where she supposedly had selected some potential (mis)matches for herself: one being Da Bomber and another Not Da Bomber. After reading

Dear Blogod (My new Agony Aunt column)

2006-02-16T10:55:00.000+01:00

Dear Blogod, (or is that Brrreeeport?)It feels like I don’t exist unless I’m noticed. *sniff* As if everyone else in the world is only there to act as mirrors to verify my existence. *sniff * That means in my world no-one is expendable. Definitely a world worth subscribing to, wouldn’t you say? I need EVERYONE and that gives EVERYONE a purpose for living, perhaps not to their liking but certainly

Top Ten Weapons of Mass Destruction

2006-02-13T23:22:00.000+01:00

MY TOP 1-2-10 WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION:1) My partner's Margarita Mixes2) My post-Indian Curry Night Out Farts10) DittoTIPS TO AVOID DETECTION AS A MERCHANT OF WMD:Dont kiss and tell on Google:Bedpan Heads: "..you have the right to remain silent...you have-"Hairy Head: "awww shuddup you F**ing Imperialist Idiots-I'm a dictator! Dictators can't be silent!..If I wanted to be silent I would have

Bollocks to the MaltaSong Festival

2006-02-12T21:36:00.000+01:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, and Inbetweens........if you didnt choose to stay in last Saturday night and watch the GOt 2 be Kiddin! Malta Song for Europe festival, yeah okay you may well have a life, but darn you missed summin! Well let me tell ya...T'was a Spectacle of Poncers! A Festival of Flunkers! A Drama of Dive-Bombing Divas!...and now for the bad news...Its like, because last year the Maltese

The Butt Naked Bellies & Balls of it!

2006-02-09T23:55:00.000+01:00

Stunning images of stunningly athletic Maltese athletes recently competing in the recent Games for the Small States of Europe -you can download the screensaver from the Times of MaltaMalta's GSSE Advertising Campaign Poster: "WE MAY BE SMALL BUT WE GOT BALLS!" ...........Maltese Bodybuilder Karen Caruana's physical appearance may have tipped off Games officials to her alleged steroids abuse......

God must love stupid people-He made so many!

2006-02-09T17:54:00.000+01:00

During a visit to an insane asylum, a visitor asked the Director what were the criteria defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well” said the Director, “one test is that we fill up a bathtub and offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub”. “Oh I understand” said the visitor, “ a normal person would use the bucket because

Comedy is the Greatest Weapon!

2006-02-06T15:36:00.000+01:00

Isnt Comedy the truly Greatest Weapon in a Anarchistic Subversive's arsenal?? Or even in an Anarchistic Subversive's arse for that matter. I've been scouring the web today to keep tabs on the escalating furore about the Mohammed Cartoons and becoming increasingly alarmed. Until i came across a comment in an otherwise very serious intelligent commentary in the Scottish Sunday Herald which got my

Keywords: Dominatrix,Flatulence,Viagra

2006-02-06T13:13:00.000+01:00

To all my trusty floowers..followers even (!) who come back here for a reg'lar beatin' wid ma Blog stik, you may have noticed I've done a wee bit of redecorating. This is NOT to be taken as proof that I'm fickle, can't make my mind up, spend HOURS in supermarkets, change my wardrobe every month..i.e. typical female (oo-er *ducks at sound of approaching low-flying missles from the Feminist Front).

The L Word..Lunatics..Lesbians..MDTT Learners?

2006-02-03T01:47:00.000+01:00

ADT's recently introduced Driving Theory Test must have been custom made for Malta. The multiple-answer test is peppered with classic samples of standard Maltese driving behaviour (I was going to say etiquette but that would be stretchin' it). Poor wee teen sods who've grown up in a world where obviously "Who Dares Wins" is the only road rule drivers respect, must have a helluva time trying to

Images for the Maltese Euro

2006-01-30T22:25:00.000+01:00

Suggested images for the Maltese Eyoorow coinsCategory 1: Emblem of National Sport:il-Fenech (endangered species, along with honest politicians). Feared by the Maltese who have watched "Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail".Category 2 : Emblem of National Flower : Il-Pastarda (do not confuse with il-Bastarda which refers to lawyersi.e. 65% of the Maltese population.) Il-Pastarda is to the

Maltese are Such Happy Campers!

2006-01-26T11:21:00.000+01:00

<--- Maria Borg Cardona Camilleri of Mjarr** singing: "The hills are alive with the sound of corruption,with the sound of MPs pocketing thousands of Liri. Though I've had no wage increase since I left college, I go to the hills when I am tax weary.As if the Eco tax and the fuel surcharge just werent enough,they add inheritance tax and petrol's increased by threebut I dont mind because we are such

Mother of All Buggers

2006-01-25T12:21:00.000+01:00

Mr. Sodding Saddam was quite nifty at coining catchy phrases, his most famous being "Mother of All Battles". But he's had his 15 minutes of fame (more like 15 years of Infamy) and this blog has nothing to do with him. This blog is inspired by a bit of info I spotted in the scroll bar on the BBC World news channel this morning (which I always watch while having my system-kickstart cuppa coffee and

Poem of The Week

2006-01-24T00:40:00.000+01:00

Fellow Bloggers here's my first brilliant Pome of The Week-its copyrighted so dont copy or I'll hunt you down and...and...demand you hand over all your chocolate...LIVING OUT LOUDisn’t it what we sometimes all get driven tothat edge where our back’s against the wallwe can’t see any way of returningso we run forward in spite of it allwe sublimely run for our livesand loudly embrace the fallIts all

No Sex please, I'm Pondering

2006-01-23T18:33:00.000+01:00

Here's a ponder-inducing anecdote I just gotta use to introduce my Thought For The Day (hmmm its Monday and I actually am capable of coming up with a thought! Geez I'm on a roll this week!) Here goes:>>In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man whohad been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.She went to the Wailing Wall and

Too Much Information can Kill Your Squabble Skills

2006-01-20T19:50:00.000+01:00

here's the thing...I think knowing too much seriously cramps your ability to hold a decent argument. Guess its the egalitarian in me, its that bloody maxim I read when I was Junior Me in some fortune cookie about there always being two sides to a story, Consequently whenever I'm faced with a debate (even when its only in my head) I look like someone on sped-up footage watching a tennis match. "

Book of Out Loud And Proud Chapter 1 Verse 1

2006-01-19T12:23:00.000+01:00

All the merry spiders in my head are breaking open the bubbly after signing up to weave their merry mischief on the world wide web via Bloggers Inc. Being such an erudite philosopher, it would be selfish of me not to make the world a richer place by sharing my erudite philosophical perspective on matters of great metaphysical consequence...such as if God has dumped the human race, couldnt She at